She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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