By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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