I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
