i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
