we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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