Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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