i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize