dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
