I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize