OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
