Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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