There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
