I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Boobs speak an international language.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
