she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
