Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize