all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
