3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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