My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
