does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize