get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
