I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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