Someone shit on the floor
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
