and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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