just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
