if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
