Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
farters have to be the big spoon...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
