just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
