I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
