Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
