I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
