By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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