He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize