Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
