He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
