Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
