hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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