No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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