why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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