You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
