FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
