Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
