So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Shame is for Republicans.
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