Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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