you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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