WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
