Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
