I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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