She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
