dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
and you fell through a lawn chair
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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