It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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