Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
