The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
