I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
