I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my being single is dangerous.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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