Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
