Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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