I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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