I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
