Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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