she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
