just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She swung at the pinata with crutches
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
