is wine microwaveable?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
