I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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