How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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